Made on a Generous Plan Coaching

Meredith Noble is a food & body peace coach for plus-sized people. Part intuitive eating coach, part body image coach, and fully guided by the principles of Health At Every Size, she helps people who struggle with emotional eating, binge eating, and chronic dieting reestablish healthy relationships with their bodies and food.

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Body Image

The insidiousness of fat hatred & how to counter it

It is hard to live life as a fat person in our society. Verbal barbs and abuse abound; so do inhospitable and inaccessible spaces, substandard health care, hiring discrimination, and lower incomes. Numerous aspects of our society convey to fat people that we are unwelcome, that we should be ashamed of ourselves, and that people would really just rather we didn’t exist.

I personally found that the longer I was exposed to the messages this society was sending to me about my size, the more I actually started to internalize and believe those messages.

It’s common to actually start to believe what one is hearing: that you are “less than”, unworthy, lazy, a slob. There’s actually a term for this: internalized weight bias or internalized fatphobia.

I found that there was even a certain point where I started start to anticipate the messages. Whether or not I believed the actual messages, I was so hyper-aware of the fact that people looked down on fat people that my brain started serving up gems like:

“He was probably thinking about how ugly I am.”

“I can’t believe that person was kind enough to open the door for ME.”

“She is probably dreading me sitting next to her.”

It can get to the point where you don’t even need to experience the aggressions anymore; the anticipation of them is enough to sustain your shame.

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Combating internalized weight bias

If you are a fat person, building shame resilience is key to living life. It is not easy, but there are ways to counteract shameful thoughts.

Brené Brown is a talented researcher and writer who has extensively studied shame; much of the advice circulating today about shame is based on her research. She has a succinct video that outlines the steps you can start working on to create shame resilience:

The first step is recognizing your triggers. This is where practicing mindfulness can be useful. Try to move through life and take particular notice of moments where you feel ashamed of your size or anticipate others thinking unkind things about you. Start looking for patterns: does it always happen at the gym? On public transit? In the kitchen at work? When interacting with certain individuals?

Once you start noticing these moments, you can start to employ techniques of self-compassion. As Brené explains in the video, try to pause for a moment and think of what you are saying about yourself. How would what you are saying change if you were comforting your best friend who was having these thoughts? Reflect on how different the voice you would use with a friend is from the voice you might use on yourself.

The next time you notice you’re having these thoughts, speak to yourself with the voice you would use with a friend. (If this is challenging, do not fret. I know people for whom this trick works incredibly well, so it is always worth trying, but I myself have struggled with this. There are plenty of other ways to start practicing self-compassion; I’ll cover more in a future article.)

The next step is finding support and speaking your shame. Brené frequently mentions how shame cannot survive being spoken; it needs dark corners to survive. Simply sharing your own experiences and finding like-minded people who can empathize and relate can be incredibly powerful.

There are a number of thriving online communities of fat people who are anti-diet; I am a member of several Facebook groups that are incredibly safe and intimate spaces where people can share their experiences and start to begin to heal. Three examples are Rad Fatties, Boise Rad Fat Collective (you need not be from Boise to participate) and Fit Fatties (specifically about movement and fitness).

Another step not mentioned by Brené, but that is very relevant here, is reducing encounters with those who have harmful attitudes towards your weight and/or promote weight loss and dieting. Obviously it is not always possible to avoid everyone who promotes shame or discomfort about our bodies, but the “block” function on Facebook and other social media tools is your friend. Even if you only mute people from your life for a short length of time while you do some important healing yourself, this approach can be incredibly helpful.

It’s impossible to remove all sources of fatphobia from your life, but it is possible to find a release valve for the shame and to work to protect yourself from exposure from some of the muck raining down.

I’ll cover more techniques in future articles, so stay tuned.

Warmly,

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About Meredith

Fat liberation and intuitive eating coach Meredith NobleI'm Meredith Noble and I'm a fat liberation, Health At Every Size® and intuitive eating coach.

If you have struggled with chronic dieting and the challenges of being fat in a fatphobic world, I'm here to help you finally feel at home in your fat body.

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I took part in an event recently with a variety of I took part in an event recently with a variety of students in healthcare fields. They were all future doctors or other allied medial professionals. And I was so disheartened by the fact that extremely few of them had been disabused of the idea that fat people are fat because they either haven't thought to diet or haven't tried hard enough to diet.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Even the most basic advice we fat people are given by healthcare providers to help us lose weight, such as "eat less and move more", DOESN'T WORK. In reality our bodies undergo a series of metabolic changes that sabotage our ability to maintain any weight loss — this includes making food literally tastier to our tastebuds and reducing our energy level so we move less. (Look up the Minnesota Starvation study for more details, and note that 1500 calories was considered a "starvation diet" for the participants.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So reader, in case your medical provider has tried to advise you to lose weight, I just want you to know that you are able to care for your health and wellbeing without chasing a number on a scale. Dieting of any kind, and by that I mean manipulating food and movement in any way to purposefully lose weight, does not work in the long-term. But caring for yourself in a weight-neutral way does.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Yes, we can be fooled into thinking these weight loss tactics work — how many times have you heard someone say, "I lose X pounds in the last Y days?!" But research shows that at the one, two, three, five year marks — people have regained the weight, and usually have gained past their initial starting weight. I can't wait for more of the healthcare providers in the world to catch on to this.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Made on a Generous Plan ・ Fat liberation coaching ・ Online and in Portland, OR ・ Visit generousplan.com for more!
Please don't put so much pressure on yourselves to Please don't put so much pressure on yourselves to have an unconditionally positive relationship to fatness as a fat person. You don't have to aim to go through your life saying "everything about fatness is the cat's meow and I'm never going to let this get to me." Allow me to explain.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I would love for you to find ways to thrive in your fat body and feel kind, compassionate, and even loving towards it. I would love for you to find joyful ways to feel embodied, and for you to know that you have the same worthiness regardless of the size and shape of your body. I want SO badly for you to have those things and I've devoted my life to supporting people as they find new ways of relating to their fat bodies.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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BUT: I also want you to know that being fat positive doesn't mean you're never impacted by the shittiness of the world. Being fat positive doesn't mean fatphobia is supposed to run off you like water on a duck's back. Never get down on yourself for your grief about having to live in a fat body in a world that is inhospitable to it. Never get down on yourself for your sadness and anger about having to miss out on opportunities that are inaccessible due to your size. Never get down on yourself when you notice you're gaining weight and you feel afraid of what the consequences might be in terms of medical care, access to clothing, how your family/colleagues/friends might treat you, etc. etc. etc.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Being fat positive is about your relationship with YOURSELF and your relationship TO OTHER FAT PEOPLE. It's about accepting yourself and accepting others, and that's it. It has nothing to do with how you feel when other people treat you poorly for being fat, or how you feel when the built environment doesn't accommodate your fatness. Focus on your relationship to yourself and other fat people in your healing, and don't hold yourself back from feeling your oh-so-valid emotions about fat oppression whenever they arise.
Your health status and size have zero bearing on y Your health status and size have zero bearing on your worth or your lovability. They do not impact how much compassion you deserve, how much patience you deserve, or how much kindness you deserve. PERIOD.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you are fat and have health conditions, I see you. I AM you. Please be kind and gentle with yourself, and seek out others who will also be kind and gentle with you. Although they can be hard to find, HAES-informed medical providers do exist, and connecting with HAES community can help you figure out who in your community is safe to see as a fat person.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Made on a Generous Plan ・ Fat liberation coaching ・ Online and in Portland, OR ・ Visit generousplan.com for more!
The stigma around diabetes is strong, particularly The stigma around diabetes is strong, particularly type 2 diabetes, which is considered by many to be the result of "poor lifestyle choices."⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Here's the thing: you are not to blame for your health conditions, diabetes or otherwise. You think you're to blame for them because our neoliberal society (particularly in America) has taught us that we are responsible for our health. Making so many things our responsibility makes things easier for the state — it means the government doesn't have to work as hard to care for its citizens, and that we still stay productive and produce and consume capital as it wants us to do.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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(These are all ideas put forward by Michel Foucault, or built on Foucault's ideas. For more information, look up governmentality, responsibilization, neoliberalism, and healthism.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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By the way, most people ignore that type 2 is HIGHLY genetically influenced and is even more genetically influenced than type 1. Furthermore, fatphobia originally led scientists to assume that fatness caused type 2 diabetes, and now evidence is showing that metabolic changes lead to BOTH weight gain and the development of type 2. (Look up Peter Attia's TED talk for more. But stop there because he's now a diety biohacker, eww.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But what about lifestyle factors, you ask? First—and this is important—eating sugar and other simple carbohydrates does NOT cause diabetes.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Second, some sources claim that moving your body regularly can stave off the development of diabetes. I am not enough of an expert to know if this is true (particularly after fatphobia in research is accounted for), but hey, it's plausible given what we know about how movement impacts blood sugar. Here's what I know for sure though: even if movement could theoretically stave off type 2, people who don't move "enough" STILL aren't to blame for their type 2 diagnosis.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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CONTINUED IN FIRST COMMENT
You may have heard of the concept of setpoint. It You may have heard of the concept of setpoint. It is defined in Lucy Aphramor & Lindo Bacon's Body Respect book as "the weight range that your body likes best." Sandra Aamodt has also begun calling it one's "defended weight range", to account for the fact that it's not a single number, it's a range.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Setpoints are a real thing, no doubt about it. But I also kind of hate the concept, because when we're steeped in our own fatphobia, it can be hard to believe that our setpoint might be higher than our current weight. This is particularly true if we're fat. It's easy to convince ourselves that our body can't possibly want to be fat, and therefore our setpoint must be lower than our current weight.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Sadly, some writers have also introduced the idea of aiming for the "lowest part" of your setpoint range. This concept is steeped in fatphobia and encourages us to move out of relationship with our bodies and aim at a number through effort. In other words, this concept tends to encourage us to engage in diety behaviors.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Hoping that our setpoint is lower than our current weight and trying to get to the lowest part of our natural setpoint range can get in the way of having a caring relationship with our body. It can prevent us from trusting our body's intuition around when, how much, and what to eat, and when, how much, and what kind of movement feels good.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you think this concept of 'setpoint' is throwing you for a loop, I urge you to ditch it. Your body is going to land where it's going to land, period. Focus on the path of rekindling that relationship with your body after years of denying it what it wanted while dieting. Whatever size your body lands at when you're caring for it in a non-diety, non-disordered way is where it's meant to be. And technically that is your setpoint but ironically, you might have better luck by not getting distracted by it.
✨ Third in my series of the very specific, life- ✨ Third in my series of the very specific, life-changing ways fat people are impacted by weight stigma. ✨⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Fat people are consistently denied fertility treatment on the basis that they cannot or should not conceive while fat. Fertility clinics have wildly different policies, but I've heard of cutoffs  starting as low as a BMI of 30. (Note: the BMI is bullshit and racist and I'm only mentioning it here because it's part of these medical criteria.)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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These cutoffs are 1000% rooted in fatphobia. Fat people have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies ALL THE TIME. And since we know how harmful weight loss attempts through dieting and surgery can be, it is unethical to prescribe these as a precondition to treatment.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you are a fat person interested in matters of fertility, I highly recommend checking out the work of my friend Nicola at @fatpositivefertility.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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In sum, medical fatphobia harms fat people every minute of every day. Fat liberation is about seeking justice for fat people in every corner of their lives. This is what separates fat lib conversations from conversations about body positivity. Finding our self-worth is one piece of the puzzle. It helps us feel worthy of seeking justice and it improves our day-to-day lives as fat people. But it is only one piece, and this is why we fat activists fight so hard for these messages not to be drowned out.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Made on a Generous Plan ・ Fat liberation coaching ・ Online and in Portland, OR ・ Visit generousplan.com for more!
This is the second in my weight stigma series, whe This is the second in my weight stigma series, where I try to make weight stigma less abstract and more tangible for folks who are not affected by it. I can’t decide whether to continue this series as the first post didn’t get much traction — so please let me know your feedback if you feel so inclined.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Second up, because I saw this mentioned the other of day and the horror of it is fresh in my mind: some people are denied life-saving organ transplants because they are deemed too fat. Unless they can successfully advocate for themselves and/or have someone advocate on their behalf, they may be faced with trying to lose an immense amount of weight rapidly in order to qualify. NO ONE should have to deal with this. Losing large amounts of weight is not possible without starvation. It can be very, very hard on the body (not to mention temporary) and can lead to malnutrition and muscle wastage before a surgery takes place—meaning a person is WEAKER rather than stronger.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So yes, to get super, super specific, when we are fighting against weight stigma one of the things we are fighting for is humans being able to access life-saving surgeries regardless of their size. Let's not let our activism ever get abstract or watered down.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Made on a Generous Plan ・ Fat liberation coaching ・ Online and in Portland, OR ・ Visit generousplan.com for more!
✨ Fat people who follow my feed: much of this se ✨ Fat people who follow my feed: much of this series will not be news to you, particularly if you are large or superfat. But for everyone else's benefit, I wanted to get super, super specific about what the costs of weight stigma really are. I hope it's beneficial. ✨⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It's a bit of a distancing term, really... "weight stigma". It feels abstract, general. But it has devastating consequences. REAL HARM. PEOPLE DIE.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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First up: fat people earn less than non-fat people. There have been numerous studies showing this; one, for instance, showed fat women aged 18-25 earned 12% less than their thinner colleagues (1).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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For a woman earning the median U.S. individual income of $33,706, that's a loss of over $4,000 a year.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Now, just to get a better sense of things, let's assume that woman earns the same amount every year over a 45 year working career (say, from age 20 to 65) and is impacted similarly by her fatness throughout her lifespan. In that case, she has lost over $180,000 simply by being fat.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This doesn't account for inflation and it makes a ton of assumptions for a back-of-the-napkin kind of estimation, but I think it still serves the purpose of providing a sense of just how significant these impacts could be in a person's life.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Weight stigma is REAL and its very significant impacts need to be acknowledged so that we can CHANGE it. Please let this inform your day-to-day actions in advocating for fat people.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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(1) Register, C. A., & Williams, D. R. (1990). Wage effects of obesity among young workers. Social Science Quarterly, 71(1), 130.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Made on a Generous Plan ・ Fat liberation coaching ・ Online and in Portland, OR ・ Visit generousplan.com for more!
For those not currently aware, it is Weight Stigma For those not currently aware, it is Weight Stigma Awareness Week. This week was founded by the amazing folks at the Binge Eating Disorder Association, and the week was taken over by the National Eating Disorder Association (of the US; @neda) when the two organizations merged a couple of years ago.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When the two organizations merged it was with an understanding that NEDA would work to reform the organization to be more social justice-minded and to support and advocate on behalf of all marginalized people (rather than just the thin, white women who had traditionally been the face of the eating disorder community).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Unfortunately, despite some EXTREMELY dedicated fat people from BEDA working within the organization to create reform, the organization has evidently decided to lampoon its social justice mission, and along with it, the founder of BEDA, Chevese Turner. When powerful ED community members complained about new social justice efforts within the organization, NEDA buckled and ousted the person who was the loudest champion of them. Chevese’s compatriot Joslyn (the only other fat NEDA employee) resigned in protest on Tuesday.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The problem is that fat people, BIPOC people, queer people,  trans/non-binary/gnc people, low SES people, rural people, and neurodivergent people are all receiving substandard care in the ED community each and every day. Marginalized people with EDs need CONSISTENT, DEDICATED advocates to protect them and make change in this field, not fair-weather friends who relent when powerful people don't want to give up their power.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We as a HAES community are banding together to demand better from NEDA. We need accountability for all of their actions, and we damn well need (and DESERVE) a commitment from them to do BETTER in the future.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Made on a Generous Plan・Fat liberation coaching・Online and in Portland, OR・Visit generousplan.com for more!
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